


Aren't You A Little Sexy For A Stormtrooper?

by Topographical_Map_Of_Utah



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: BB-8 In a Sweater 'Cause Why TF Not, Bad Pick-Up Lines, Crack, Finnpoe - Freeform, First Kiss, Fluff, Force-Sensitive Finn, Like Truly Awful Pickup Lines, M/M, Not Really Crack I Can Totally See Poe Doing This On The Daily, Poe Why You Do Dis, Stormpilot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-20
Updated: 2016-09-20
Packaged: 2018-08-16 08:50:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8095777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Topographical_Map_Of_Utah/pseuds/Topographical_Map_Of_Utah
Summary: And other pickup lines by Poe Dameron





	

**Author's Note:**

> based off a tumblr post that i didn't see but someone else saw and told me about so if you vaguely recognise the premise it's based on that post and this explanation made no sense so fuck it bye

 Finn stumbled down the hall with his pack slung over his shoulder and a whistle on his lips. Well, a thin wheeze of air that tried to be a whistle. Rey had shown him how to do it on the flight back to base but he hadn't quite got the hang of it yet. He'd ask her again later, because after the debrief he just had all he wanted to do was collapse on his bunk and nap for the next couple millennia.

"Okay, yeah, I can do this. How hard can it be?" Finn heard Poe saying as he came up to their shared room. The door was slightly ajar, so Poe's voice drifted out into the hallway, along with the whirr of BB-8 trundling around on the floor. The droid bipped something encouraging and Poe sighed. "Yeah, I know I talk to him all the time, BB-8, but this is different."

Curious, Finn poked his head inside, trying his best not to be seen. Poe was sitting on the floor by the mirror, BB-8 rolling around his ankles and beeping. He'd just gotten out of his X-wing, if the helmet hair and oily t-shirt meant anything.

Finn ducked out of sight when Poe looked up from the radio he was tinkering with, wondering how he would manage to stay hidden from Poe. Then he rolled his eyes and threw up a Force cloak before stepping into the room. How had he forgotten he could do that? Rey was insanely jealous of this little trick. Couldn't get a hang of it herself. But she was somehow able to use Force lightning, which Finn couldn't manage no matter how hard he tried, so it evened out in the end. When neither Poe or BB-8 reacted to his entrance Finn smirked and leant against the doorway, wondering how this would play out.

BB-8 whistled and Poe shook his head with a sigh. "It's hard to explain, buddy. But I guess..." Poe glanced across the room and caught sight of Finn's favourite hoodie, which he had left draped over the side of his bed, along with a mishmash of other clothes and trinkets that he had tossed onto his mattress. The mess on Finn's side of the room drove Poe crazy, but he usually let Finn be. Besides, the disorder just meant he could borrow stuff whenever he wanted. Like right now, for example.

"Okay, BB-8. Let's say you're Finn," Poe began, hopping up to grab the hoodie. "And I'm, well, I'll be me." He tugged the sweatshirt down over BB-8's head and squeezed it over the ball that made up his lower body. BB-8 shrieked in what Finn figured was delight and started to roll back and forth excitedly, sleeves flapping around him. That alone almost made Finn burst out laughing. Poe crouched down and tapped the top of BB-8's head, getting him to focus again.

"So, you're Finn, right? What would you do if one day I walk up to you and did this?" Poe scrambled to his feet and cleared his throat, like an actor preparing for a scene. Then he grinned at BB-8, taking one of the empty sleeves and shaking it as though it was someone's hand. "Hey, Finn, buddy. How's the weather? How've your missions been? Good? Good. Anyways enough small talk I just wanted to tell you..." Suddenly Poe dropped onto one knee and clasped his hands dramatically over his heart. "Finn I'm completely mad about you and I wanna marry you and kiss you and have your babies and fly off into the sunset with you while fireworks explode overhead. So what d'you say, buddy?"

BB-8 recoiled and Poe nodded as he got back up and dusted off his knees. "Exactly. Sure, that's what I _mean_ , but if I actually said any of that he'd run away screaming. I gotta be subtle about this." Poe concluded. Finn swore that he heard BB-8 snort, which Poe took as bit of an insult.

"Hey! I can totally do subtle. Wait, are flowers subtle? How about chocolate?" Poe glanced at the mirror and tried to straighten out his sweaty curls, sighing. "Really, how hard can it be?" he mumbled. "I'm just talking to the guy.  _Hey, Finn, can I ask you something? You're really cute and cool and awesome I was wondering if maybe you wanted to go on a date with me, even though I'm a fossil and you're way outta my league. If it makes you feel better you can think of it as charity work._ No, that makes me sound like a desperate old creep. Aw, who am I kidding? I am a desperate old creep..."

After a few more failed attempts at flirting Poe gave up, resigning himself to finger guns and long, drawn out _heeeeys_  aimed in Finn's general direction. BB-8 was unimpressed, shaking his head in distress as Poe continued to embarrass himself. Finally Poe collapsed on his bunk with a huff. Apparently "subtle" was a bit beyond him.

"Fine. I got nothing. C'mon, BB-8, help a guy out." Poe pleaded, exasperated with himself. After a moment's pause BB-8 made a high pitched squealing noise and Poe raised his eyebrows. "Pickup lines? Sure, I know some." The droid beeped something else and Poe nodded thoughtfully. "Yeah, that's not a bad idea, actually. Then I can play it off as a joke when this idea crashes and burns, which it will. Thanks, buddy. Now let's see..."

While Poe collected his thoughts Finn leant against the wall, a broad smile tugging at his cheeks. So Poe did like him. What d'you know? Finn hadn't wanted to assume anything, but he always had figured there was a reason for the stuttering and the tripping and all the showing off Poe did when Finn was watching him fly. The base still hadn't recovered from that low fly-over stunt he had pulled a couple months ago. Finn was about to reveal himself, then Poe laughed and sat up, the spark in his eyes telling Finn that he had just been struck with inspiration. Finn decided to hold off on the unveiling.

"Here's one. Hey, Finn, d'you know why there aren't any stars in the sky? Because they're all in your eyes. Wait where the heck did that come from I can't say that." BB-8 whirred and Finn heard Poe sigh. "No, buddy. You don't just walk up to someone and ask them to marry you. It doesn't work like that. As much as I wish it did. Best stick with the pickup lines. How about this one? Finn, are you a Jedi master? 'Cause _Yoda_ one for me..."

Turns out those were the first of many an awful pickup line. As Poe went on Finn nearly slid down the wall, tears stinging his eyes as he tried to keep from laughing. He stumbled back outside with his Force cloak flickering around himself, praying it would hold for a little while longer. It died completely as he teetered down the hall, letting out a few wheezing gasps of laughter when he was sure Poe wouldn't be able to hear him. And when he crept back to the door a few minutes later Poe was still making up new ones. Apparently the guy had an infinite supply.

"Damn, is that a lightsaber in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me? The Force is with you, can I be too? No, wait, I got one. Hey, Finn, are you Jakku? 'Cause you're making me thirsty. Oh no, that's awful..."

After another few minutes of that Finn was rolling on the hallway floor with tears streaming down his face and his hand clasped over his mouth, feeling like his sides were about to burst. Poe was still going, by the way, no end in sight..

"Excuse me, I seem to have lost my virginity. Can I have yours? Finn, I love you so much, I would Je- _die_ for you. Hey, can you help me upgrade my X-wing? 'Cause I think the two of us could make it a Sex-wing." Finn heard BB-8 squeal in disapproval, followed by Poe groaning in frustration. "Then what am I supposed to say?"

"I liked the line about Jakku." Finn laughed, finally building up the courage to poke his head into the room. Poe jumped a good foot off of the ground and whirled around, beet red and stuttering. BB-8 squawked and hid behind Poe's legs, making little worried noises as Finn walked inside, still snickering a little bit.

"Oh, uh, hey Finn. You're back early..." Poe managed, looking at the window as though he was thinking of hopping out.

"The mission was easier than we thought. I think the Order's gone a bit soft since they lost me."

"We wouldn't be that lucky." Poe laughed, voice sounding a little uneasy. His eyes sidled towards the door and he gulped. "Just outta curiosity, how long have you been..."

"Long enough." Finn smiled. Finally Poe noticed the look on Finn's face, the easy, open grin. The anxious look on his face dissolved instantly and was replaced with something a bit more familiar. Relieved, Poe stuck his hands in his pockets, grinning as Finn came closer so the two of them were within arms reach. It would've been so easy for Finn to grab Poe right now, but he wanted to tease him a little more. Force, flirting was fun. "So is this what you do with your spare time? Stand in front of the mirror and flirt with yourself?"

"Only since you showed up. Seriously though, pick up lines? That's all it takes to win you over? If only I'd known that earlier..." Poe laughed. "I take it those weren't the go-to in the First Order, huh?"

"Yeah, well, can't exactly flirt in a helmet. Never heard a pickup line in my life 'till I got here."

"Fair enough. Wait, you got a pickup line?" Poe asked.

"Yeah, but it's stupid..."

"And mine weren't? Remember who your competition is." Poe laughed. "I have stupid in the bag."

"Fine, can't argue with that. But don't expect much." Finn shook his head and sighed, looking like a kid forced to sing in front of relatives during a party. "Hey, your hand looks heavy. Can I hold it for you?"

"That's a cute one." Poe admitted, taking Finn's hand and grinning at him. BB-8 let out a disgusted squawk at their feet and rolled away, grumbling under his breath in annoyed little beeps and clicks. Finn didn't speak binary, but if that tone meant anything he figured that the little guy was not a fan of PDA. "Any more where that came from?"

"Maybe. But now it's your turn." Finn insisted. Besides, the only other one he had was even worse.

"'Fraid I'm outta stock at the moment. No, hold on..." Poe rifled around in his pocket for a minute, then he smirked and pulled out his hand, offering Finn an oily bolt he'd dug up. Finn raised an eyebrow and Poe cracked a grin. "Wanna screw?" he asked.

"Unbelievable..." Finn sighed as Poe pulled him closer. Actually, may as well use that other pickup line. "Hey," Finn screwed up his face and poked Poe's cheek, feigning seriousness. "Your lip's bleeding."

"Is it?" Poe asked. He gave his lower lip a couple swipes with his tongue before noticing the teasing grin on Finn's face. "What?"

"You want me to kiss it better?" Finn offered, one hand already cupping the back of Poe's neck and drawing him in. It wasn't so much a question as a statement, one that Poe was more than happy to agree with.

"I walked straight into that one, didn't I?" Poe laughed against Finn's smile.

"That was kinda the point." Finn reminded him. Then they were kissing and any opportunity for further conversation went out the window.

**Author's Note:**

> I have shit to do and a series to write why am i writing this bullshit


End file.
